失落 冷漠 寂寞

不知从何时开始
我选择了
寂寞的眼泪
寂寞的背影
寂寞的伤痛

被狠狠摔过的心
被狠狠伤害过的心
被狠狠遗弃过的心
换来一次次的改变
甚至
想关上心门
不再让任何人走进心里
然而
他们不懂
曾经给过的伤害
是一辈子都无法你补的裂缝

了解
就连自己都无法走进自己的内心世界
面对自己的 自己
又怎么可以奢望
他们能够了解

得到了 失落
选择了 冷漠
面对了 寂寞
我
没勇气打开心房
没勇气再向前
没勇气再去信任
没勇气 再付出

心累了
停下来了
下雨了
梦醒了

我已无法面对
陌生的你
陌生的心
陌生的 自己



there is nothing much left behind me .
i can be what i want to be .
but myself can't i be .
as i am not anymore me .
a reason that's incomprehensive .
just leave me .
with the peace .
that i wish .






Y: 失落 冷漠 寂寞 ... 在我心里 ...

~ happiness VS unhappiness ~

26 JUNE

How is 26june ?
A weird day ?
can say so .
perhaps it's just for me .
the 2persons that are around me ...
1 ... let me damn HAPPIEE ...
another 1 ... let me damn XIM TIA ...
2person that is important to me ...
then what feelings should i have ?
then me ... damn CONFUSED ...

but actually ...
recently ...
i damn bad mood ...
everytime alomost want to scold my friends ...
>.<
soli soli all !
if u saw this ... hope you can accept my apologies .
= (
LOVE YOU ALL !
muack muack !

oh ya .
got 1 more ko aii ko aii person ...
MON MON !
thx thx for accompanying me jekk !
although it's you to tell me to in xdo to accompany you .
hehe .
but still TQTQ jekk .
next time if got chance SHOUT and SCOLD PEOPLE 2GETHA !
hahahahahaah !
Xp
muack muack !
lurb u !
always happie o !
^^

Y: i wish i could change . A silent pray for myself . =)

我介意~

我放不开
属于 信任

为何它总是在我脑海里打转？
我只想要属于我的生活
单单纯纯
简简单单
对我来说已经足够
但为什么
它总不属于我？

不属于我的生活
不属于我的世界
不属于我的 信任

曾经以为
我可以放开一切
但
脑子总不听使唤
不由自主地 回到那里

该不会脑脑你都要欺负我吧！
就不能只属于我吗？
=(

属于
属于
属于
我要你属于我！
我要你是我的！
但为什么？
你就是不属于我?
放声大哭
已经过去
但
一觉睡醒
怎么 我还遗留在这里？
属于我的你
怎么还不来？
="(

我介意
介意你做过的
你说过的
但
你却总不懂

属于 真的那么难属于我么？


Y: 期待着 能让我依偎的下一站
我相信 我真的好想相信





MY HEART'S SHATTERED. ="(

sampat ! LOL =.='''

hohoho ~
2day in school really damn SAMPAT !
wakakakakakakak !
xp
2day need to stay back for the STUPIAK KELAS TAMBAHAN until 4pm ...
the STUPIAK PRINCIPAL 欺骗我的感情 !
still promise us once get 80% and above then no need to stay back ...
mana tau ...
ALL WAJIB !
swt !!
suan niao ~
if wan scold can say till 2moro niao ...
hohoho ~
SAMPAT ~
=.='''

then hor ...
2day stay back for science ma ...
u know ...
I NEED TO SEE THE TEACHER'S MOUTH MOVING FOR 2 HOURS !
sure can kisiaoo jorr me ...
then jiu suak suak lurr ...
sendiri ZI HIGH there when teacher gave oral quiz !
muahahahahaha !
after that my frenz oso pei me sot !
hohoho ~
shiok dao ~~
1st time i will be sooooo HAPPIEE to be in class ...
wakakakakaka !
^^

we are seperated into 2 groups norr ...
whenever i get it right ...
then i shout shout shout ...
clap clap clap till ~~~
the teacher oso bor lat wif me ...
wakakakaka !
bai chi dao ~
sweat ... =.=
1st round my group won !
mana tau 2nd round ...
...
.....

...

....

we just get 2marks !
walau !
damn sweat !
>.<
sia suii ~
still bersorak so loud ...
lose 1mark nia norr ...
ish !
deh diao ~
the ques out of our siniverse one ...

tis is one of the answer of the question.

me gotta siao kii ...

teacher jing ran ask ...

who is the scientist of creating or apa apa abt the celcius one ?

zzz ...

mana aku tau ?

lose ~~

buuuu ~~~

sienz ~~

but then veli semangat after that !

even though 4pm terus rush to the eng. tuition class !

1st time ...

i wont even feel SLEEPY in class ...

chim ~

xD

but sit there for 2 and the half hours ...

...

......

..

PIKU TONG TONG !

=.='''

nvm nvm ...

go home nia mummy cook hao liao !

hohoho ~

补回去！

^^

then jiu on9 till now niao ...

bor su jo ...

hao wu liao ~~~

= [

Y: seii yan tao ...打死都记得这个问题！>.<

apa funny ?!?!!

apa apa funny jekk ?!?!!!
i got so funny bor ?
LOL ...
=.='''
unlike her yet nor ...
u see her ...

i tak like that pun lol ...
=.='''
talk with me oso can laugh ...
i so chim .....
not only 1 people say jorr that ...

lalala ~
sii guii ~
say larx ...
talk with me YOU ARE HAPPIEE !
xD
dun use "funny" to describe ma ...
say like i'm a ..........
clown ~

LOLLL !
>.<

remember har ...
it's HAPPIEE ...
not FUNNY ...
REMEMBER !
XD
tak remember then i sheng qi ~
bluekkkk ~
hek hek hek ~
... xD ...
wu liao saja ...

Y : sii guii dua buii siput !
aku ada hak istimewa tim !
A KID'S hak ...
wkakaakakakka ! xp

S I C K ~

S I C K of folio ...
S I C K of extra classes ...
S I C K of crying ...
S I C K of life ...
S I C K of YOU ...
finally ,
i was S I C K .

LOL.

maybe last nite NiBu 失眠 ...
then jiu S I C K niao.
>.<> H1N1 !
=.='''
then alwaz tell back them ...
i got H2N2 ...

LOL ...
... xD ...

when in school ...
really hin hin hin ~
whole school spinning !
muahahaha !
joke joke ~
=.=
wu liao geh NiBu ~
xixi ...
but really can FLY niao !
although i was S I C K ,
but i was not S I C K of my results !
you know what ?
i got 96% in ENGLISH !
never ever believe that !
teacher still read out my essay to whole class !
damn paiseii ...
still got 29/30 in my essay ~
O M G ~
then jiu suan niao ~
sectionC oso she read out !
oso suan niao ~
still say wan take my essay to type out as sample to all students !
walau walau walau ~
eyes just open half half geh NiBu terus awake !!!
ben lai mabuk mabuk one ...
when heard i got the highest mark NiBu terus sit attention !
hahahahahaha !
kisiao kisiao niao ~
^^

but then ...
not happy veli long mia ...
again feel dizzy ~

LOL ...
but still happie for that jekk ...
xixi ...
... xD ...
hope can always get so HIGH marks ...
woo ~
yeng !
hahax!
blek ~~
^^

eat jor med lur ...
now feel better veli muchiee ...
enjoying the music touching my ears ...
folio oso finish niao ~
relieve ~
^^

Y : NiBu was S I C K of thinking how to get again such marks .
wakakakakaakaka!!

nMn no.1's bufdae ! XD

CAUTION !
she's the LEFT one !
the 2 person beside KEH LEH FEH lai .
xp

dua buii shi jie!!
happie happie bufdae!
^^
old 1year more....................
muahahahahaha!
ren lao niao na ~~
xp

shiok seii na you ~
got so many presents!
jin ga ~
JEALOUS ~
hahax!
blek ~~


bu hao yi sii na ~
cant pei u...
who tell me so suii sick today jekk ?
iyar ~
hehehehehe ~
forgive me na...
xixi.
anyway...
may all yr wishes come true!

nMn 4eva.
WE LOVE YOU 4EVA!
muack muack ~
^^



OH YA !
SEEM LIKE YOU GOT SOMETHING HAVENT'T TELL nMn .
YOU REMEMBER , YOU.

...xD...

and we still owe you something.
the THING will reach soon.
hahax!
^^

Y: NiBu 希望……
你快点穿裙子啦！
除了校裙……
=.='''
i'm serious norr !

是你已不值得相信 还是 我已无法继续相信？

原本今天 我没打算要写了
但是 我的思绪
依然让我不自觉地
回到这里

人与人之间的信任
就像一层薄膜
可有 亦可无
但是
一旦它穿了个洞
是你用多少的针线
都无法补回的裂缝

我是个笨蛋 傻瓜
从不会去想
应不应该相信
因为我觉得
选择相信 我过得开心点
但 一次次的伤痕
就为这薄膜填补了越来越大的洞口
那道墙 却还是建不起来
因为
内心深处
我依然选择 相信
这样的我
最终 是否还会得到伤害？
还是应该
因为无法彼此信任
而因此放开？

Y: i'm confusing. ="(

禁忌 排行榜！

NiBu'S 禁忌 排行榜 :

1. 骗我！

2. 不守信用！

3. 不相信我！


Y : I HOPE THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE IN EITHER EACH OF THAT.
BUT I KNOW IT'S ABIT IMPOSSIBLE. = [

累累 + 闷闷 = 19June2009

Actually tis morning i want to wake up at 10.30 one.
mana tau~
lay lay lay...........
jiu lay dao near 12 lur...
LOLLL~
coz laz nite 3AM++ just oioi.
>.<
see my phone ...
A TU DIAAA~ MY PHONE GOT 6 MISS CALL SINCE LAST NIGHT 4AM++ !
no need to say oso know who is that niao.
=.=
and also quite some messages.

when check my calls all,
i still found that i close jorr quite many ppl de phone since laz nite till this morning.
lolll~
yyy recently sooo many STRANGERS find me mia.
still got some is BIN TAI !
omg ~
yyy i alwaz met bin tai one ?
bor lat ~
>.< it's annoying.

then bac from piano lesson,
jiu lay here lay there, sms , listening to songs ......
bla bla bla ~
wu liao till ~~~~
duno how to say.
then go downstairs mam mam.
my relatives all reach my house niao.
cousins all then using the pc,
sienz ~~
cant on9 ~
then go bac my room ,
lay here lay there , sms , listening to songs ...AGAIN...
bu zhi bu jue ...
then oioi jorr ~~
when wake up is nearly 6PM nuu.
hohoho ~
1 day pass jorr half day lur. =)

then my dinner go mam mam outside.
after eat ,
oh yeai yeai !
go gai gai !
hek hek hek ~ ^^
then go alor star mall nuu.
shun bian bring my 脚链 go and repair.
coz it patah jorr, but got guarantee larx.
xD
jie jie buy for me one.
i like it muchiee muchiee !
^.^
after a few days still can go n get back.
then jiu go gai gai nuu.
wow ~
i just discover that as mall change alots.
when go upstairs tiok chek kia !
different jorr.
hehe.
bought jorr 2 shirts as father's day's present.
xD
hope daddy will like it. ^^
then bought jorr many tidbits !
muahaha !
终于进货了！
要不然我的宵夜又没着落了……
哈哈!

but then when go back,
discover that,
i feel uncomfortable.
like wanna sick jorr.
="(
hin hin wan vomit ~
hate that ~
still think dao my geo folio hasn't finish .....
sobbb ~~
wuwuwu ~~

then on9 ~
open xdo pui mon mon.
a while then off lur.
coz ...
hohoho ~
救星到！
my frenz suddenly give me a website.
that is the geo folio !
oh yeai !!!!!
hahahahahaahahha !
got things let me 参考 then jiu DIFFERENT ma.
ahahaha.
blek~~ ^^
but then ...
still lazy to do .
muahahaa !
whole body feel tired tired niao.
bor lat bor lat lur.
wan do also sienz nuu ...
but ...
kampatte !
abor next week me ho seh !
geo teacher kill me !
hohohohhohoh ~
waiwai then ~
gotta go and dump into my folio !
wish me good luck !
*~*

Y: what a bored bored + tired tired day ~

written : 19june2009 11.23pm

不属于她 的 唯一

听着“唯一”
躺在床上
她才醒悟了
她不是唯一

在大家眼里
她只是个渺小的
不起眼的小小微生物
摸不着
感觉不到
曾经的的确确的拥有
如今却渐渐不断的失去

他提醒了她
其实
她只是个腐烂的蘑菇
昔日光彩不再
重要性亦相等的减少
这是一个轮回
当你茂盛生长
你当然是注目
一旦你枯萎了
自然地
你会腐烂
甚至消失
即使你泪满眼眶
事实是如此

你永远只能接受
而无法改变
事实 真相

我会学着接受
不属于我的世界
我得对自己诚实
才能再向前迈进
即使
事实是如此残酷

Y: 你属于它么？答案，只在你心里。

written : 19june2009 1:04am

SIA SUI ! 女人心，海底针。

2day,
my skul is hosting the public speaking competition.
so i got to perform, piano.
mana tau~
ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
SIA SUI dou seii!!! ><
at first when ter"DONG" 1 sound already paiseii dou seii.
everyone is laughing!!!
mana tau ah sir suddenly told me solo!!!!!!!!!
!%&#@*+""!@#$+
NERVOUS LIKE HELL!
consequence?
sia suii!!!
play all mistakee!!!
gotta kisiao jorr!
then jiu suan niao.
still kena perli!!!
say me ENG KAI.
walau!!!
duno wan laugh or KEK KI!!!
what a SIA SUI day.
beh guai the weather is so hot!!!!
4pm still got to attend tuition class.....................
=(

unhappy~~
whenever i need someone,
it's really noone.
i know they don't like me.
but i didn't do anything wrong!
i know it's because of that.
but there is no fault of mine.
yyy are you all must blame on me?
sobb~~~
女人心，海底针。
i'm all alone.
="(

Y: @#%$^&!^&*
WHAT A SIA SUII DAY!
I hate NiBu!
I do really mean it.
I hate NiBu.

written: 17june2009 1:44pm

心软的遗恨

今天
是一个郁闷的六月下雨天
一而再
再而三
仿佛想让她看见
内心的那个自己

忆起当初
几乎错误的决定
心软的原因
让她至今
不再呻吟 喊痛
因为
她已不再是自己
她已是那个
狠心的
硬心肠的
崩溃的…………

*SHE isn't SHE*

今天，NiBu看见的，是一刺刺的伤痛。
一刺刺，一刺刺的插入心里。
心里不禁为-她-心疼，也不懂怎样才能减轻她心里的内疚。
毕竟，她不是狠心的NiBu。
她的心灵或许也从来不曾受过这种痛。

NiBu曾经的经历，
或许跟她也只是大略相同，
他手上的疤痕， 是再也不离开他的伤痛。
或许他，已遗忘了，
然而，NiBu并没有。
他，的确已找到属于他依偎的下一站，
却变成一个陌生的，不再熟悉的人，
不禁让她觉得，
好痛，好痛~
曾经的承诺，也变成泡沫。

Y: "please dun let your tears wet your face anymore. if u remain still, i swear, i would be as painful as you, because i love you, my dear frenz. I'll support whatever of your decision. +u~ muackzz <3"

written : 16june2009 8:45pm

* UPDATED 校记营 Leng Zai 排行榜 2009 *

UPDATED 校记营 Leng Zai 排行榜 2009 ：

1. ZHI YI - [congratez congratez! ^^]
h/p : 012-3456789
msn : ahpi@zhiyi.com [hahahahaha. just for some uses. xD]
nzy_123@hotmail.com [ this is the real one. if not ren jia wanna jump dao kor lak niao. xp ]
2. J.J
3. J.S
4. J.B
5. P.J

（以上名字不方便透露，以防kes bully 再度不幸发生。）
*If you think that is you, that is you. =)*

Y : 纯属玩笑，勿太当真！^^

written: 14june2009 8:30pm

P.M.S. = ???

LOLLL.
actually NiBu is not PMS-ing. =.=
it's just like PMS.
0.o'''

just then morning,
she was awakened by a GOOD GUY at 5.30AM!!
then he still say jz shiok kacau her up then he go oioi.
izit sweat? =.=
then she continue oioi until the time to go school nuu.

in school veli veli happiee!
coz she took jor all results,
and discover that she got all As in every subject!!
"oh yeai yeai~
no need stay back for extra classes niao!! "
^^
but suddenly,
a fellow came her class,
she just discover that,
SHE NEED TO STAY BACK UNTIL 4PM.
lol~
sweat again. Z

then when stay back,
she discover that somehow someone is not liking her.
maybe is because of that incident.
"If that is me,
i'm sure that i'll got same feelings with her."
before she just guess that it is the reason,
but after that,
she is sure.
THE GAL IS A PIANIST.
omg~
SWEATING AGAIN.
then she gave way to her to perform that song,
hoping that she will not be unhappy anymore.
NiBu is successful. ^^
somemore teacher still fetch her home!
happiee again. xD

but but but~
when go home,
she took her phone and 自拍,
suddenly the phone fly!!!!
arghhh!!
the screen bcum green green and cant take photo anymore!!!
LAGI SWEAT!!
then,
off the phone....
on the phone....
ka ka 2 xia...
off...
ka ka 3 xia...
on...
eh?!?!!
can jorr!!
continue take photo...............
^^
somemore take with tang tang~

actually,
that is a long time ago present that she ever touch it.
It's a broken promise tang tang.
that jiu suddenly feel veli 感触~
she see back her diary before..............
her mood changiee agn...
SWEAT pula~
then got people knock door,
she terus fly into the bathroom!
abor sure kena!!
fiuuu~
^^
after that jiu on9 niao.
qi guai~
jing ran dun wan oioi.
xixi.

Y: no PMS = PMS. what a chim chim day. =.='''

written : 14june2009 5:50pm

Dua Bui yao gong tam sam! xp

NiBu :

" si dua bui, kun kun kun! hang tau wat time le mao?!?!!

kepala otak hang~

sendiri play games 10 - 20 hours++...

still wan me do x advantage de thing mor...blek~

you say wat hao chu oso can de har.......

bor chap lu~

i wan not only 1 benefit!!

wakakakakaaka~ blek~

u sendiri din say clearly geh~

ni wan duan le!!

hek hek hek hek hek~ xD

na na na~

gv jor u a title lur...

dilarang TERtype NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM here or even in friendster or msn!!

DILARANG!!!!!

see...

i din break my promise~

really gib jor u a title...

xD

a GOOD TITLE~

wakakakakakaak~

bu say niao~

gotta attend my science tuition class.

waiwai. ^^ "

Y : just guess which one is the EN DAO yao gong~

oh yeai~ ^^ [uploaded 14june2009 9:51pm]

written : 13june2009 3.18pm

" Dua bui D alwaz KEK SEI YAN! "

NiBu oso duno yyy...

each time he said something then can make her wanna FLY!

but not happy geh fly,

is gotta kek dao FLY!

LOLLLL

kek NiBu he jiu lekk zai...

din c he lekk at other place kok...

blek~

" sei yan D~

sekk u bor eong geh!

alwaz kek me nia~

sheng qi!! "

but actually...

NiBu oso duno wat is she angry about.

although he din say anything,

but it does make her kek ki!!

arghhhh~

NiBu REALLY GOT WINGS JOR NIAO!

Y: actually what is she angry about? but it does. =[

NiBu's Good Try. [=

Just then...
when NiBu was attending piano lesson,
suddenly.......
a lot of things flash across NiBu's mind...
and eventually couldn't concentrate for the lesson.
what's running in her mind?
what was flying around her brain?
1 + 1 + 1.............
that was all the things that she was regret for doing that in the pass time.
That was all the wrongdoings that she felt they were,
although others would not feel so. NiBu does.

她总是压抑自己所有情绪
压抑自己的情感
让全世界都认为
她是这世界上 最无忧无虑 没烦恼的 大傻瓜
但其实
她总很努力地
隐藏自己感性的一面
用心地去伪装
美丽的服装
华丽的外套
把自己的心
一再掩盖 包装
虽然她对自己的“外表”满意
实际上
她仍然是个平凡的小女生
嘴里总是说得很潇洒
但其实心里 还是胆怯的自己

她会再用心 用力
去改变内心的自己
改造成 与外表不再有差别的
NiBu

Y: NiBu 希望可以顺利过关！ ^^
她一定可以 对吧？

[ Christmas in my Heart ]

"It's christmas in my heart...
when i...
with you........................"

NiBu just finish listening to that song, Christmas In My Heart.
That song really let NiBu got some kind of romantic feel.
Somehow...got some christmas feel...
duno listen jor how many times...
NiBu must thank her stupiak frenz - yao gong!
^^
thanks for helping me find for so long yea.
muack muack~
^^

Y: NiBu likes it, Christmas In My Heart <3

Ah bii's bufdae xD

Today was ah bii's bufdae.

NiBu feel sorry to her as she couldn't accompany her AGAIN this year.

That is why she n her friends had given a super surprise for her in the camp.

NiBu knew that she was happy enough and she may enjoy today!

NiBu just want to tell her that:

"ah bii~
happiee bufdae o.
may all your wishes come true,
and happiee everyday.
MISS YEA!!
muack muack!! ^^ "

除此之外，今天也是 NiBu 的另一位朋友生日。NiBu 打了好几通电话都找不到他。但还是想告诉他，生日快乐！

Y: NiBu衷心地祈祷，希望今天的所有寿星都过得很开心！yeai yeai~^^

4-6-2009 - 7-6-2009 校记成立营之酷酷 =]

属于

你的回忆

永远擦不掉

也挥不去

直到记忆衰退

直到满脸皱纹

它依然长存

忘不了

大家的微笑

忘不了

大家的泣声

思念

日日夜夜

挂心底

工委营员

何时再相见

又何尝不是一个疑问？

期待下一站

大家再次相聚

在一起哭

在一起笑

直到时间一秒秒度过

再把大家拆散

各奔东西

Y: NiBu loves all of you in the camp! Hope to see ya again.^^